I've Loved You Forever

It seems I've loved you  forever, even though we only just met. 

In My cocoon

 In My Cocoon 

 

I feel like I’m stuck in my cocoon, 

growing, getting stronger, 

learning how to cope, but I want to get out. 

I want to be free, 

to live without regrets, without confusion, without the pains of life and love. 

I push and pull at all the strings. 

I kick and scream, hoping to break through. 

I cry, I laugh, I talk to myself. 

In the end, all will be okay. 

I know that. 

I just want to be free.

My Sunglasses On

I think I will leave 

my sunglasses, 

on today. 

I don’t want anyone 

to see my eyes

to ask what’s wrong. 

Have I been crying 

or am I just stoned 

as hell? 

Is my heart broken 

or am I in the bliss 

of this highness, 

that hides my true self? 

Either way, 

What’s important is, 

I know the truth. 

I think I will leave my sunglasses, 

on today.

~terri otterman

 

 

If being strong means hiding your thoughts, feelings, and tears, 

then I’d rather be weak. 

It may not be what everyone wants these days,  

but I like honesty. ~terri otterman

 I find myself on an emotional roller coaster, these past few months. Sometimes I’m super happy, others I just don’t know what the future holds. I know it’s not for me to figure out. I know that whatever will be, will be. Does that make this ride any easier? Absolutely not. What it does is show me, over and over again that I am not in control, nor do I really want to be. Life is hard. Happiness, is even harder to find these days. I trust God. I know where my strength comes from, but it’s still hard. Wrestling with “what if’s, I should of’s, and maybe next time”, are real matches that we deal with everyday. You are no different than I am. Admit it, you have those wars too. All I can say is this life is only temporary. We may not get to the place our heart desires here on earth. One thing is for sure, “life is short and eternity isn’t.” My prayer is this, even if we never meet here on Earth, that one day we will meet in the life ever after, in the place set apart for those who believe in the One true God and Savior. I hope I see you beyond those Golden Gates, in the place where no more sorrows, no more tears, and no more loneliness, will be. In the place where true happiness resides. ~terri otterman

 

 

I love life, 

I love Brandon, 

I love my family, 

I love God and Jesus 

but I must be honest,

I question him daily. 

Why??  

What were you thinking? 

What now? 

I’m human and you need to know that. 

Yes, I know all things will work out. 

But the pain…..

sometimes is hard 

to bear. ❤️

Stay innocent little one, 

at least, for one more day. 

Let me hold you tightly, 

please don’t run away. 

In the blink of an eye, 

things can change.

I’ll  cherish these days, 

as long as I can. 

One day soon, 

you’ll let go of my hand, 

before we know it, 

you’ll be a grown man. 

When that day comes, 

remember these truths, 

I will still be your mom, 

and I will always love you.

 ~terri otterman

The Way

 The Way

the way your voice dances in my ears, 

the way your smile lights up my eyes, 

the way your touch tickles my senses, 

the way your arms  wrap around my body, 

the way…….I love that. 

Have you ever found yourself saying, “It ended as quickly as it began. All the promises, all the words, are as if they were never spoken”? When love is rushed, it parts too quickly. We live in a fast world where everything is wanted now. Relationships must be built, and quite often the building process is a slow one. People must take the time to get to know each other. One might think they don’t have time, the grass is growing under their feet, I’m coming to the end of their life, but those things shouldn’t  matter. One good year is far better than two unhappy ones. Why live unhappy? If not built correctly, love will only fall to the ground, destroying one or both partners. Relationships require love and respect.  Some people may not want or care to be respected, but many do. Some people don’t care about love and friendship, but there are those “hopeless romantics”, like myself, still out there. Love requires gentleness, quietness, caressing, caring, understanding, and knowing that if one is hurt, the other will be there to comfort, not condemn.  Love is a promise that states, “I’ve got your back, I’m in for the long haul.” Love is not selfish, and likewise, not selfless. Love is two people on a journey together, that don’t always enjoy the ride, but know it’s worth their time and efforts. Love can be everything you’ve dreamt of and much more. It can also include things that are not fun, but because both partners care, they are willing to work on their differences. Love  isn’t always beautiful fireworks, and great sex. Quite often, those are just fantasy dreams, that rarely  turn out as expected. Love is hard. Love is the one blessing most people long for, most need, but never find. When you find it, grab it, true love is rare. Hold it, nurture it, do whatever it takes to keep it. Wrap your arms around it and never let it go. It will take great sacrifices, but in the end, it will be worth it. ~terri otterman

 

In my quiet space is where I find my peace, my solace, sometimes my stress. I do my best thinking or my worst, it all depends on the topic at hand, whether positive or negative, Nevertheless, it helps me get things off my chest, to throw them away, or move them to a safe place, maybe to revisit later.  Anyway, it seems strange to me, seeing as I’m not a person that desires or likes to be alone, that it can be actually refreshing and freeing at times.  To sit quietly and let my mind wander, with no disruptions, no noise, no interference, allows me to really search my heart, to find answers, to dig deeply into the things that really matter. This, is much needed. If you think about it, quiet is really good for the soul, everyone needs it, whether they admit they do, or not. 

~terri otterman

 

If I kiss you 

or want to, 

it’s because 

there is a special 

kind of love 

inside my heart for you. 

It doesn’t mean 

I’m “in love” with you

or that I desire 

wild crazy adventures 

with you. 

It may mean 

I have a special spot 

in my heart for you, 

and depending on 

the type of kiss,

that may be open 

for discussion 

another time. 

 

First day of Fifth grade…

Before you were born, you were thought of, before you were  conceived, God was thinking of me.

Sometimes I wonder where you came from, 

then your smile reminds me, you came from above.

The thought, the consideration, that went into your being, totally amazes me.

In a blink of an eye, you were created, just for me. 

Many times, the plan seems so unreal,

but our Creator, knew exactly what He was doing. He knew how I’d feel; this day, this time, during this life of mine. 

I love you with all my heart, more than I ever thought I could. 

Right from the start, when I laid eyes on you,

I knew, I would. ~to

 

Sometimes,

God refuses 

to open doors 

that you 

ask him to. 

trust him, 

he knows 

what’s best for you. 

don’t settle 

for anything less, 

than his perfectness.

As you Fall Apart

Life is good, 

but it’s not the same. 

Love is Lost, 

the pain remains. 

Happiness strives, 

everyday. 

Thankful for the gift 

of being alive. 

Life is good, 

but it’s not the same. 

Love is lost, 

the pain remains. 

I live each day,

with a smiling heart, 

I won’t let 

the best of me, 

fall apart. 

Life is good, 

but it’s not the same. 

Love is lost, 

the pain remains. 

Memories remind me, 

of places we’ve been. 

Dreams pretend, 

you are coming 

back again. 

Life is good, 

but it’s not the same.

Love is lost, 

the pain remains. 

It’s tough 

being strong, 

as you fall apart. 

Stop

 Stop worrying, 

stop thinking, 

stop calling, 

stop asking, 

-let it go.

But,

never-stop-caring. 

that, 

my friend,

shows 

the true depth, 

of your heart.

What A Fool I’ve Been

What a fool I’ve been

Reaching out to you 

So many times

And you not responding  

What a crazy girl

Hopelessly in love

Running after

One that 

can never be touched

What a nightmare

I’ve built for myself

Putting you on a pedestal

High up on the shelf

What a heartbreak

You don’t even see me

The depths of my soul ache

And you are unaware

What a mixed up girl

Trying to find her way 

Thinking things 

would finally turn

That this 

would be the day 

What a fool I’ve been.

The Player

 

I don’t want

to see you

anymore. 

I’m hurt

I’m crushed

I’m angry

I’m torn. 

I know, 

I’m not 

the only one, 

that’s been

played on

by you.   

I just wish 

this didn’t 

happen to us. 

Will this pain ever end? 

Will my heart ever mend? 

I don’t know the answers. 

It feels like 

a terrible disease

eating at my bones. 

My mind, 

my heart, 

haven’t stopped 

hurting

since

we’ve been apart. 

I try to dream

of happy things,

but all 

I want to do, 

is scream.

Be There

Be a good friend 

it's important. 

Be a nice neighbor 

it's expected. 

Being there when 

someone needs you

is a precious gift 

from your heart. 

Be there. 

Show you care. 

~terri otterman

In My Dreams

 I stopped hearing your voice,  

I stopped smelling your smell,

I stopped seeing your face, 

Suddenly, I closed my eyes, 

and there you were, 

once again…in my dreams.

~terri otterman

Happiness

 S elfless 

E asy 

C aring 

R espectful 

E mpathetic 

T hankful 

T rustworthy 

O ptimistic 

A mbitious

G racious 

E legant

N ice

U nique 

I  mpressive

N urturing

E lectrifying 

L oveliness

I  ntriguing

F orgiving

E ncouraging

O utstanding

F riendly

H elpful 

A mazing

P eaceful  

P atient 

I  nspirational 

N atural

E nergetic 

S trong 

S entimental

Add these and make it even better! 

Kind 

Loving 

Respectful 

Giving 

Between me and me

My head is spinning, 

out of control, 

with pleasant

thoughts of you.

This room 

is floating in circles, 

I can’t make it stop.

My mind replays 

over and over,

the things that you said.

Your words 

radiate so loud,

I can’t turn them 

down.

I care for you 

abundantly.

You know how to

light up my life. 

You are silly,

yet so full of excitement. 

I am still crazy 

about you. 

But, that is 

between 

me and me. 

Secrets

TBD

Just Believe

 Life is bigger

Than that big ocean

And it’s waves,

Little one

Don’t let life’s troubles 

knock you down. 

You have what it takes, 

to overcome.

The greatest,

 

darkest battles, 

cannot drown you. 

Stand strong in victory.

Your God, 

is always with you!

He’s your life guard, 

your rescue,

the One,

that will never leave you!

Just believe.

~terri otterman