Who'd have thought that at the age of "over 45" I'd be a mommy of a newborn again! God is so faithful, and so hilarious at the same time. I always knew Jim and I would have a baby together, but to tell you the truth, I felt my time had run out! But His timing is perfect and knows no limits, unlike mine. And He has all the time in the world!
For 8 years now my husband and I have been up and down the roller coaster of becoming "2nd half of life parents". We've held onto our dreams, and watched them shatter. We've tried and failed; and yes, we nearly gave up a number of times. But I can honestly say, my faith had never faltered. In reality, I felt it was too late, but in the Spiritual realm, I knew nothing was impossible for my God.
So here we are today, with a 3 month old loving and enjoying live like 20 somethings! Wow! Life is Grand!
I remember Hannah and her pleading with God to give her a child. How she suffered to see Penninah bare children and she remained childless. How that must have hurt her!
I remember the many times Jim and I prayed for God to bless us with a child together. How we'd walk downtown and see parents with their little ones and wonder why we could not have had a child of our own. Then one day in the depths of my heart, I plead to God. Not for a son but for forgiveness. Forgiveness for my selfishness, forgiveness for not honoring God's plan for our lives. And then I totally surrendered, my desires, my will, my emotions to Him.
In 1 and 2 Samuel:
Then Elkanah her husband said to her, “Hannah, why do you weep? Why do you not eat? And why is your heart grieved? Am I not better to you than ten sons?”
9 So Hannah arose after they had finished eating and drinking in Shiloh. Now Eli the priest was sitting on the seat by the doorpost of the tabernacle[c] of the Lord. 10 And she was in bitterness of soul, and prayed to the Lord and wept in anguish. 11 Then she made a vow and said, “O Lord of hosts, if You will indeed look on the affliction of Your maidservant and remember me, and not forget Your maidservant, but will give Your maidservant a male child, then I will give him to the Lord all the days of his life, and no razor shall come upon his head.”
12 And it happened, as she continued praying before the Lord, that Eli watched her mouth. 13 Now Hannah spoke in her heart; only her lips moved, but her voice was not heard. Therefore Eli thought she was drunk. 14 So Eli said to her, “How long will you be drunk? Put your wine away from you!”
15 But Hannah answered and said, “No, my lord, I am a woman of sorrowful spirit. I have drunk neither wine nor intoxicating drink, but have poured out my soul before the Lord. 16 “Do not consider your maidservant a wicked woman,[d] for out of the abundance of my complaint and grief I have spoken until now.”
17 Then Eli answered and said, “Go in peace, and the God of Israel grant your petition which you have asked of Him.”
18 And she said, “Let your maidservant find favor in your sight.” So the woman went her way and ate, and her face was no longer sad.
And Elkanah knew Hannah his wife, and the Lord remembered her. 20 So it came to pass in the process of time that Hannah conceived and bore a son, and called his name Samuel,[e] saying, “Because I have asked for him from the Lord.”
Just as God heard Hannah and blessed her, so God heard me and blessed us. Just as Hannah promised to surrender her son to God, I surrendered my desire to be a mom again. And in that surrendering, God moved.
Even though we did not name our son Samuel, we still can say as Hannah did, we received "because we asked for him from the Lord".
We can truly agree with God's Word that states in James 1:17
"Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and comes down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow of turning."
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