Just the Way You Are

 

I love butterflies

and the ocean’s breeze 

lollipops 

and Shady trees  

Dandelions and dragonflies 

a baby’s laugh 

and tall giraffes 

I love waking up early 

to meet the sunrise 

walking by a creek 

and blue Mountain skies 

I love watching the stars 

and gazing at the moon 

music festivals 

and singing a tune 

but more 

than all of these 

I love you 

you’re my shining star 

you’ll always be 

my dream come true 

my pie in the sky 

I love your smile 

and the way you giggle 

the color of your hair 

and the way you care

I love you always 

I’ll love you forever 

I love everything 

about you 

I love you

just the way 

you are

Let go

 I’ve always 

been a believer 

in what’s 

meant to be

will be

there comes a time 

when you 

must let go 

of things 

in your life

good and bad 

in order to live

~Terri Otterman

Still Goin Crazy

just friends 

high school pals

you never knew 

you stole 

my heart 

way back then 

and today

this girl is 

still

goin crazy

there’s 

something 

about you 

can’t figure 

it out 

maybe your

hair

good looks

or smile

maybe 

all three

got me

whatever it is

you got 

this girl 

still

goin crazy

just 16 

full of life, 

what to do

my world was

totally 

wrapped  up 

in you 

even today 

many years 

later 

the feeling

remains

the same

you still 

got this girl 

goin crazy

I’m just

still

goin crazy 

I’m just

still

goin crazy

over you

Blessed Woman

 25 years ago, I wore the dress. I think my body has changed, just  a little. And yes, I have to admit, I couldn’t get the back zipped. Enough of those useless statements. 😞

25 years ago, I married a man who loved me just as I am. He overlooked all my faults and failures and loved me unconditionally. I didn’t deserve that kind of love, yet God saw that it was good and brought us together. During the hardest times, he kept us strong, strong for each other. I’m not writing this for pity. I’m writing this because once in a lifetime,  dreams can come true. I married a man who was selfless. He married me with 4 young children. He gave all he could to us, even until the end. I’m not sad and balling here today (but I’d be lying if I told you I’m overjoyed). I’m reminiscing on the good love that we had together. It was far from perfect, because we were/are not perfect. We had difficult times just like most marriages/relationships, but we endured. We chose not to let those times tear us apart (believe me they tried). What I’m trying to say is, I am one blessed woman. Blessed to have been able to share life with such an amazing man. Will I ever meet another Jim? Probably not. But that doesn’t mean I won’t meet someone just as wonderful. They are out there. For many, unfortunately they never meet another love of their life. Should God desire a new love  for me (and Brandon), I am willing. But if not, I will learn to be content. After all, He is in control of my life, not me. I surrender all. ❤️

You loved me

 … you loved me

you held me 

in your arms 

you calmed my pain

you held me so tight

I felt loved again

you gave me

a piece of you

I didn’t deserve

how can I ever 

repay you 

for the 

beautiful way

you loved me?

How many times have we wondered, even asked ourselves, why does he love me? I’m a red hot mess, how could anyone love me like that?

Only for a little while

dear glass of wine

thank you 

for being 

a friend of mine

your taste is sweet 

but a little tart, 

your magic heals 

my broken heart

but only,

for a little while.

thank you for 

helping me

erase the pain, 

forget my past

and dream again. 

you make me happy

you help me smile

but only 

for a little while

you go down smooth

you tickle my tongue

my head to spins 

my heart pounds

your poison 

lays me down

quietly, 

I fall off to sleep

I’m happy again,

but only 

for a little while.

Crazy feelings

I get these 

crazy feelings,

feelings

I  can’t control

they’ve been known 

to chase 

people away

these crazy feelings

they are good 

at doing that

ever since 

our eyes met

my heart 

hasn’t skipped

a beat

you know 

how it feels  

I can’t change 

the way I feel

and what

it’s doing to me

the way you've 

captured me 

is beyond

my control

I’m not saying 

it’s love 

I’m not sure 

what it is

maybe it’s just 

an innocent 

crush

maybe 

it’s my 

imagination 

playing tricks 

on me

I’ve begged, 

my creator 

to take 

them away 

to stop

the emotions 

of my heart

Nevertheless,

they remain

is this another 

hard lesson

to learn

I can't help

but wonder

if you feel it too

heart be still

slow down 

tonight

the timing

is just 

not right

tonight

maybe 

It never

will be

if one day 

you find 

yourself 

with crazy 

feelings 

for me 

like I have 

for you

I hope 

you have

the courage

to tell me

so we can

stop

these

crazy feelings.

Begin Without Me

 

Begin the change,

remove the doubts.

begin to smile,

no more frowns.

begin your journey,

(it's okay) without me.

begin your life,

it's time to live.

Just remember,

I'll always be,

somewhere 

deep

inside 

your heart.

It’s in your heart

You fight it off

You know 

it’s real. 

You just 

can’t help it

it's in your heart

You feel as if

you're ready

again 

to love someone 

more than a friend

but maybe 

it’s not time yet

you feel guilty 

for this feeling 

you can’t control

you wonder 

what will 

happen

 if you let 

someone in

even if

he doesn't 

feel the same 

it doesn’t matter

you feel it

you pray

God help me

take it away

then you remember

praying before

and He didn’t 

rather

He blessed you 

in the biggest 

possible way

do you feel 

He can’t 

bless you again

trust Him 

He knows 

what’s in  

your heart

The Struggle

 You struggle with thoughts....

Not good ones.

you fight with

ones that hurt

cut deeply,

scar forever.

you beg your mind 

please stop!

but it won't.

you cry, 

you scream,

you close your eyes.

the nightmares

will not leave.

you pray

and God

meets you 

where you are.

you find peace,

you finally 

fall asleep.

Don’t Be Afraid

 Don’t be afraid to ask her out, 

she might be praying that you do. 

Don’t be afraid to call her up, 

she might be dialing your number too. 

Don’t be afraid to touch her hand, 

Your touch mind mend her broken heart.

Don’t be afraid to smile at her, 

Your smile might be 

just what she needs. 

Don’t be afraid….

Why would I not trust Him again?

 This has been an amazing week! Probably the best I’ve had since we moved back to STA. Things are falling into place for us, it seems. God is so good. I met a few new friends and caught up with some old ones ;) this week.   Took a drive to Flagler Beach and  rode up the coast back to STA; reminiscing, thinking, sorting, praying, and yes shedding some tears;  something I’ve been needing to do since we moved  back. This weekend we went to the old Town Market,  and a church service at Cathedral Basilica, visited a cozy French bakery, walked the Bayfront, and ran into some friends from Blowing Rock!💞What a nice surprise! We finally made it to the Cathedral Festival, something we’ve never done before. Afterwards, I relaxed on Vilano Beach while Brandon ran the waves with friends. I can honestly say, my heart has been well lately. I have been visiting places that  hold many precious memories. Doing this is helping me heal. I know that my journey is not yet over. I will have good days and maybe even some difficult ones. But I know that God has a plan. One that He has ordained. One that only He can fulfill. He loves me and knows my true heart. He knows my every desire and need. And He cares about every one. Scripture tells us: 

“cast your cares on him because he cares for you”. 

I know He does. He has proven this promise to me so many times. Why would I not trust Him again? 

Let’s talk

 This is the year 

Wow, this is the year, the one in which I turn 62!  I can't believe I've made it this far. Not that I ever doubted I would, it's just that so many friends, family members, and co-workers over the years have passed on to their final destiny. They say only the good die young. Well, I guess I must still need time to become my best.

Maybe another way to look at my still being here is one that, I must have more to do, more people to reach, more life to live, and more love to share. I'm okay with that. I just pray, that with the world as it is today, I can remain strong and be the woman I am supposed to be. I pray that I can love with the love that is the truth, the one that knows no hatred, knows no color, and sees only the good in others. As difficult as it seems, I know with Christ, I can do all things.

Each day is an opportunity to share, and receive love. Every moment is an opportunity to be better than you were yesterday. 

John 13:34 says: "A new commandment I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another."

Ephesians 4:2 says: "Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love."

When you love one another , the evidence of that love shows in your all you do. Your words are more gentle.  you place the needs of the one you love above your own. The way you look at them and hug  them is evidence of that fact.

My husband was that kind of person. My sisters and friends would always point out how they could see how much he loved me through his actions. and the way he treated me. I can only hope I treated him just as well, most of the time.

Let's face it, we are not perfect humans. We all fall short at times. But it's up to us, even as we age, to be better to one another than we were before. After all, that is  real love.

"Remember what used to be, but cling to what is to come. We all have a destiny, we all have a journey, make yours count."

Let's talk,

 I’ve always been one to care for myself, not necessarily nails and pedis but my face and skin, yes.  As I am aging I notice care is a more difficult task. Skin is dryer, weight harder to lose, and yes, my emotions are more sensitive. I guess it’s because I’ve lost more loved ones than I care to believe, and my time too is running out. It’s important to remember, that our time is not over until God says it is. That our days are numbered, God’s  word tells us they are.

Psalm 139:16 states: “your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.” NIV 

None of us really know when we will take our last breath, and what if we did? Would we then make each day count all the more? Would we love deeper and care harder? Why not begin today? We are not promised tomorrow on this earth. But one thing is for sure, as believers, we are promised Eternity. 

Let’s Talk.

 

If you keep searching for your heart's desire 

way out there, 

you probably won't find it.

Chances are, 

it's already within your reach.

 It's been a long journey, one that I wasn't prepared to take, one that I hope I never have to go on again.

Though my heart is healing and my mind clearing, I know this journey isn't over, just yet.

I trust that tomorrow will be better, and the next, and the next,

because my faith is big and I know you hold my whole life in 

your hands.

Each day is a new opportunity to grow, to feel, to love, and to share all that you have given me.

Lord I pray that you bring those to my life that will allow me to do just that.

There is so much love in my heart that needs to be shared.

I need the courage to show I care.

I've been broken and reaching out these days is difficult.

I'm ready, I just need to know where to begin.

 

My heart is heavy oh Lord, only you can ease this pain.

I come before you with thanksgiving, 

only You can make us whole again. 

Remember the ones I love so dear, 

hold them close, take away their fears. 

Tomorrow is not promised here on this earth, 

bend our knees as our hearts you search. 

fill us with your precious fire, 

make your love our one desire.

Teach us to trust you each day, never to doubt you 

this I pray, 

Amen. ~Terri Otterman

 

Sitting here at My Dream salon where so many times you sat and waited for me honey. I wish you were sitting here, up front today. I miss you so much! I am not really sure I want to go on without you! Now I truly know how and why the surviving spouse passes on, shortly after their spouse. It’s just so hard to continue. So lonely without you. 💔I wish this pain would end!I want to be happy for Brandon, for our kids and grandkids. I’m so sorry honey! I wish I could have done something to save you!

Maybe I did, way back when. 

I love you with all my being!

I pray your life is sweet, 

your heart complete

your dreams come true

you're never blue. <3

You know what's hard?

Trying to find my place without you.